Dreams

Most of my life, I've had the occasional memorable dream that's been worthy of sharing with people. But for some crazy reason, in the past year, I've been more likely than not to have one of these types of dreams each night. Poor Bryan...almost every morning I start off the day with, "so, last night this happened..." and I will proceed with a rundown of what my subconscious produced. Probably about 50% of the time, it involves Bryan being an absolute jerk. I refer to his unfortunate alter-ego as "Nightmare Bryan". For example, he's asked me to wait for him, only to turn around and walk up the aisle with a completely different bride...he's cheated on me and said it wasn't a big deal...he's shot an indifferent glance in my direction when I've wandered into the woods in tears...on the other hand, in some dreams he's wonderful. Like the time I was being approached by a dark figure in the basement of Frontier School, and Bryan literally jumped down a flight of stairs to tackle him. Or when he entertained me with a very talented dance to the Happy Days theme song. Of course, sometimes he's neutral. Last night, for instance, he poured a bunch of shot glasses full of whiskey, and before anyone could stop me, I dove in front of him and guzzled them all. Come to think of it, though, he didn't even try to stop me. He just looked sad, like a little boy who got his Christmas present stolen from him. Maybe he wanted to guzzle them all, and I was only saving him...hmm...who knows?

Once or twice, I've been a jerk, too. I can think of two dreams where I've dumped him for someone else, then regretted my choice, then taken him back, and he was cool with that.

Occasionally, he's not involved at all. Sometime last week I had a dream that Jannaya went on a shooting spree at VBS in Frontier. I managed to save a lot of people by spraying her with a strong water hose, then trying to talk some sense into her. I was shaking her by the shoulders, but she avoided my eyes and had a very evil grin on her face. I'm excited to pick her up from the airport today and tell her all about that one.

PHRASE

Today's blog (or, more likely, this half-year's blog) will explore a popular phrase that is dying out for the most part, but is still too common. For those who know my line of work, you won't be surprised to learn that the phrase I dislike is, "that's retarded!"
Before you roll your eyes and call me too picky, let me tell you that I've used that phrase my fair share of times. I even used it one evening last week, in a flash of anger, to describe a driver who had dangerously cut me off at an intersection. Immediately I felt a stab of guilt, realizing that I had used a derogatory term that has become a way of looking down on the people I love so much at my job. Not everyone has my job or loves the people I have the privilege of knowing, so I wouldn't expect everyone to have the same emotional reaction to hearing or uttering those words; however, I think everyone can understand and respect the fact that certain words are just offensive and harmful and should be eradicated.
Decades ago, the r-word was used as a genuine way of describing certain people. So was the word negro. Just because a word used to be okay, doesn't mean it is anymore. When you hear the r-word, what do you think of immediately? A mentally-challenged person, or any human being or situation that you think is stupid? Obviously it's not used in an everyday, connotation-free light anymore. Yet it still has that connection to mentally-challenged adults, which then serves to drag them down in their own eyes and in the eyes of others.
What really brought this to light, for me, was a true story a co-worker told a group of us recently. She was at a restaurant with one of the individuals supported by SAI (someone with an intellectual disability) and a few of his family members and other friends. This particular individual was quiet and almost awkward for the first part of the meal, but as the night wore on, he came out of his shell and became relaxed and chatty and fun. Things were going great. Suddenly, from several tables over, a young lady's laughing voice rang out, "Oh my gosh, that is SO retarded!" (Sound familiar and harmless enough, anyone?) Suddenly, the individual's face dropped. He looked down into his lap and stopped talking and drew back into his shy, awkward shell. He'd been humiliated by a stranger's careless, noisy, "innocent" comment in front of his family and friends. It took awhile for them to coax him back into the conversation and to try and forget what had just happened. The girl and her friends carried on, oblivious to the hurt they'd just caused an innocent, beautiful, vulnerable person.

I don't care where you are, who you're with, how much you don't think anyone else can hear, whether you're you or me or anyone else...STOP USING THAT WORD! DO NOT USE THAT PHRASE ANYMORE! IT'S INSULTING, INSENSITIVE, SELFISH, AND UNNECESSARY! If you must use an easy phrase to ease out of saying "that's retarded", say "that's ridiculous." It's easy to slide one phrase into the next if you catch yourself saying the first one and are trying to stop. It worked for me. I know I'll probably still slip up every now and then because it was an unfortunate old habit from my high school days, but I think that protecting vulnerable people from having their scars reopened is worth it.