My Biggest Dream

One of my biggest dreams has always been to be a full-time, stay-at-home mom.



I'm not even sure who reads my blog anymore...if you're someone who knows me, you understand what I mean. If you don't understand me, PLEASE don't assume that I think stay-at-home moms are superior to moms who have an outside career. I think there are too many people who are eager to draw battle lines between the two, as if there hasn't been proof that both approaches to life can produce very healthy, happy children (and mothers and fathers). Also, PLEASE don't assume that I'm selling myself short, or that I'm unambitious, or that I am somehow inferior to career-driven women.



With that out of the way, I'll continue on...

Everyone is born with a dream, and although most of us might claim to be open-minded and non-judgmental, I've received a few responses to my goal that display how some people really do think it's an inferior desire. It puts me on the defensive, but I'll try not to let my emotions get in the way of stating my case here (even though I hope those people understand what it's like to get laughed at for sharing THEIR heart with others...well, they probably have to some degree. People can be so ignorantly cruel to each other).

Anyway, NOW I'll continue on...

If being a stay-at-home mom is so unambitious, why don't more people want to do it? Surely there are enough lazy people in the world who wouldn't mind having a job where you sit in your house all day, watching soaps in baggy sweatpants, occasionally looking in on a peacefully napping baby...
WRONG!!
I'm not a mom yet, but I can't tell you how impressed I am with those people -- stay-at-home parents and day-care workers -- who manage these precious little people in their relatively helpless states, while still balancing household projects and any little room they may have for outside interests (if they're not too tired).

That reminds me...if being a stay-at-home mom is so easy to look down on, why don't more people look down on daycare workers? Is it because they make money at it? So...making money at something automatically gives it more worth in society's eyes, is that it? I guess so. I don't really need to get into how shallow and ignorant that is. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people think that way, whether or not they are willing to admit it in so many words.

Like any career goal, planning to be a stay-at-home mom involves preparation and sacrifice. It's not like you just step out of the work force and fall into a nice little cushion. For example, think of the finances. You will be relying on one income (most likely), so EVERYTHING you're making up until then must be planned out. Bryan and I are putting off the purchase of a house for a few reasons, and one of them is to save up at LEAST a 10% down payment (the higher the better), because we are planning on his income being the sole measure by which we mortgage a house. If we depended on both of our incomes, there is no way I could stay at home with the kids. And although it doesn't personally matter much to me and Bryan, we will be giving up the opportunity to buy a nicer house, brand-new vehicles, and go on regular overseas holidays so that we can afford for me to stay home once we have kids. And although this particular, unpaid career choice doesn't require any formal education, I plan on reading and learning as much as possible from other stay-at-home moms because I KNOW that what I'll be doing will be incredibly hard and stressful sometimes (although infinitely rewarding), and I don't want to be unprepared.

And please don't assume that I am afraid of outside work. I have a job that challenges me very much, but I also take great pride in it. When I am a stay-at-home mom, I will be battling a feeling of being cut off from the working world, the loss of relationships from where I'm working now, and probably a lot of insanity from multitasking for the majority of the day, as opposed to being surrounded by co-workers with whom I can have intelligent conversations, and from whom I can walk away if I need some quiet time. And I DO plan on finding part-time work once the kids are all in school, since I won't be needed in the home for most of those days. So no, I'm not planning to be a stay-at-home mom to run away from the working world. I know I'll miss that world in many ways. It's another small sacrifice to make.

Now that I've stated my defense against some stereotypes I've met and heard about, let me share a few positive aspects that drive my dream:

-It's always been in my heart, just like a lot of people always know they want to be a doctor, a singer, a teacher, or a world traveller someday. You might not know exactly how the dream got planted there, but it's been a part of you for as long as you can remember.

-I can't imagine anything more rewarding than spending the majority of your days with these little people whom God has entrusted to your care, and experiencing all of their firsts with them.

-Being a catalyst to the learning experiences of your own children (creating opportunities for creativity, problem-solving, relationship-building, and physical challenges) would be the focus of your days...imagine how amazing that would be!

-Writing is a hobby of mine. I would have endless material from people and experiences that I would feel passionate about preserving in words that might mean something to someone else one day.

-Most stay-at-home moms that I've talked to are very satisfied with their decision, and have eagerly encouraged me to follow through with my plan to do the same.

Something else I want to mention is how thankful I am to have a husband who encourages and supports this plan. When I first told him that this was what I wanted, he didn't immediately stress about the financial burden it would place on him...he was excited about it and we are partnering together to make sure it happens.

So there you have it, in a nutshell: my defense against those who look down on my dream, and my reasons for having it.