L-O-V-E

I don't think there was ever a moment of sudden realization that I loved Bryan. It was more like an underlying truth that snuck up on me from deep inside, without an obvious beginning. I had several moments where I thought I loved Bryan (before I told him), but I second-guessed myself each time. Love is not to be taken lightly, and I wasn't about to base it on just my emotions -- even though the commitment had been fairly solid for awhile.

The day I finally told him the words (which didn't leave my mouth automatically; it was more of an awkward push), I no longer second-guessed myself. I suppose saying the words cemented not only my feelings and commitment, but my decision, too. Our relationship now felt more right than ever before.

In hindsight, I wonder if Bryan's first "I love you" to me was the start of my own realization. At the time, I knew I couldn't say the words back with any kind of confidence. I was caught quite off-guard, in fact. I remember my body stiffening up as if to shield my heart, but the words sunk in anyway and took root.

Side note: guys, don't EVER tell a girl that you love her if you don't mean it!

Anyway, I wonder if that's where I really began to open up to the possibility that I loved him, too (and wasn't just in love with him). With those words, he laid the foundation for a stronger trust in him. I felt safer with him than ever before, and could now let myself explore deeper and scarier possibilities about our future.

Side note: I repeat, guys, DO NOT tell a girl you love her unless you mean it!

I'm so glad Bryan meant it. I'm so glad I did, too, even though the words felt awkward the first time I spoke them. Now we say that phrase to each other all the time, but it hasn't lost its power to invite trust and make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.