The One

I used to believe in the theory of "the one", and I believed that anyone who thought otherwise was jaded. In the past few years I've crossed the fence...I'm still a huge romantic at heart, don't get me wrong. But the thought of "the one" puts so much pressure on people to not screw up their love lives, which makes it much harder to be relaxed and be yourself whenever you're in a situation with someone new...especially someone you're developing feelings for. Of course, it is said that God has a specific plan for each of our lives, which would include the person we marry. This opens up a whole other complicated, mysterious subject that I couldn't begin to explain ...let's just say that mine is a very relaxed opinion that has learned to be okay with not fully understanding how God works. I also know that we, as humans, have free will. God loves us too much to take our life decisions out of our hands, because no relationship is loving when one party is forced by the other. Therefore, our lives have the potential to go in many directions. (Hopefully we pay attention to God's leading if there is a specific direction we feel deeply compelled to go, because He knows far more than we do! Otherwise, who knows what we'll miss?) Anyway, I think that we can be compatible with any number of spouses, just like we can be compatible with any number of friends. It just might depend on where we are, or how ready we are. But just like we need to be careful which friends we keep, we need to be REALLY careful about the spouse we choose. The weeding-out process can eliminate so many possibilities, which makes the theory of "the one" seem a little more plausible. Yet I come back to the argument that it's not "the one" you're missing...it's just the right one you haven't found yet. There is a difference.

Enter a person you realize you want to spend your life with. You can't believe how perfectly suited he is to you, and how your quirkiness doesn't scare him off. In fact, he can be downright weird, too, and you love it. Your lives are headed the same direction, your goals complement each other's, and you're both better people for having found each other. Best of all, your relationships with God are even richer than before because of this new friend's influence. You can't imagine marrying anyone else, and you can't believe that God created someone who fits so perfectly as your other half. You think, maybe there is "the one" after all! Obviously God brought us together, so it must've been in His plan all along.

I don't know how to coalesce God's will and our free will when it comes to our life's journey, but like I said before, I've learned to be okay with not understanding. My point is, when it comes down to it, if you have that special person in your life that you commit to (for healthy reasons, of course), that person has become "the one" (whether or not "the one" really existed in the first place). For all intents and purposes, this is the one for you. It feels like that, and you must decide that too, so that when things get rough you can avoid the temptation of wondering how to escape and find someone else. If you have a healthy foundation, you can always work your way back to it and continually find new joy in being together, even after decades of marriage. And the intimacy and fulfillment which come from sticking it out through thick and thin are unbelievable...or so I've heard!

To sum it up (cause I think I've been all over the board here), this is my view: I don't believe in the theory of "the one" except in relation to commitment to your spouse. Once you have him, he is your only one, and no one else could ever take his place. What a special, amazing gift!