Just being

We get so caught up in doing. As a naturally performance-oriented person (like the other 98% of the human population), I always have to remind myself of what it's all about. So much emphasis is placed on being successful, being noticed, being useful, and we have a hard time just being. I think especially when we're in a relationship with Christ it's so easy to see ourselves as people he saved so he can use us for his work (a point recently made by my friend Sarah). And then it's easy to resent him because we never feel like we're doing enough, and we feel like he's never satisfied with us, and we become slaves again. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery" (Gal. 5:1). Did God create Adam and Eve and then set them to work so they'd be good enough for him? Obviously not...they basically hung around the Garden of Eden naked, and they loved life until the serpant stepped in. In Genesis 2:15 it says "The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it", but that wasn't a stipulation for enjoying fellowship with God. That relationship was the foundation for why Adam and Eve existed and worked, not the other way around. It's the same with us. Why would God create people, and save people, just to use us like chess pieces? Each one of us is meant to be in a relationship with God that's based on his unconditional love for us, not do a relationship with God. After all, he already did the work to make us right with him.

I'm not saying we shouldn't try to make the world a better place, or that we shouldn't try to be obedient to Christ's guidance. But we have to stop basing our worth -- and others' -- on what gets done.

Happy

I'm not as diligent at keeping up with the news as I should be...usually all I learn about the world comes from the headlines on Yahoo when I'm going to check my email. So I know it's old news, but I just wanted to say it's pretty awesome the Canadian hostages are coming home. For some reason this situation was on my mind a lot the past few months.

I Look Like a Mom

Today I was waiting outside a church bathroom for a long time. One of the individuals with autism that I was supporting had been in there for quite awhile, as usual, and I was basically leaning against a wall and enjoying the slow pace of the moment. Then this stranger walked by, looked at me, looked at the bathroom door, and said knowingly, "Oh, are you waiting for your little one?"
I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. Yeah, I know quite a number of girls are married (or not) and having kids at my age...but still, my first thought was crap, the wrinkles on my forehead are SO obvious! I'm 21 and completely unattached! The thought of having a "little one" is just a little too creepy at this time.

Kissing and Spoons

Hi. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm a good kisser. Not that anyone's ever told me that, but apparently it's been proven by the fact that I can tie a cherry stem into a knot inside my mouth. (I did this before I knew what talent it supposedly proves. So no, I wasn't practicing for hours just so I could feel super sweet.)
On another note, last night was Greystones Disrobed. (This is turning into a really sketchy post.) Actually no, Greystones Disrobed was basically a talent night for the members of the university choir, and I must say I am very proud of my roommates for being awesome singers. They sang a trio with their brother...during the musical interlude, Aubree whipped out a harmonica and Megan rocked the house with my wooden Quebec spoons. It was so much fun!

I love my job. Seriously, I can't get over it. I think, like most people my age, jobs have been mainly taking whatever we can get so we have cash for school, travel, killing time, etc. So now that I'm waking up and looking forward to punching in, it's like, whoa!!! Such a blessing, and one that I waited so long for. For a year I did the care home thing, loving the people but struggling with worry about my future. Then I heard about this position with SAI, and applied there. I went through two interviews...the first one accepted me, but I turned it down because it wasn't what I was looking for. (Normally I'm one to play it safe, so I almost took it, but Someone softly told me to wait.) Then I went in for another interview a month later (still not quite the position I was hoping for), and a couple weeks later SAI got back to me...not about that second interview, but about the exact position I wanted. They hired me right over the phone, no interview, and got me set up with an orientation schedule right away. (In the midst of all of this, I tried two different casual positions and ended up quitting both because I was never available when they needed me.) For me, to have that much going on and not go insane is amazing.
But seriously, it's so incredible. I get to work with people who challenge me in ways I hate but need, and who bless me in ways I love. There's this one guy whose face lights up when he sees the simplest things (a shiny watch, a sticker on the ground, a flower) -- and when his eyes meet yours, it's like he's letting you into a beautiful world that not many people get to see. And this girl I work with is like a teddy bear, she'll just snuggle right up to you, and it wouldn't matter if the world passed you by. Another girl, who doesn't attach easily to others, kissed my hand once when I was leaving. And there's another guy who gives me the most nerve-wracking five hours of my week, but when he's happy you know all the "uncertain" moments were worth it. I love talking about Spongebob and puppies and french fries and coins, hockey and babies. The scope of conversation is never large, but each thing in it is fascinating and wonderful.
All in all, this job rocks. It was totally worth the wait, and I'm learning things I don't think I could learn anywhere else. God is good.