Ouch

You are a FLUTE. You, like the flute, are possibly the most obnoxious creation in existence. You love everything bright and cheerful and ridiculously happy. Do the rest of us a favor--go jump off a cliff with your annoyingly blithe demeanor.


I must say Amy, I'm not too fond of this link you led me to.

Love's Passion

Hi! It's been a long time since I've written a comic relief blog, but I'm sure something funny will happen soon. In the meantime, I want to share something I wrote during one of the most intense turnabout times of my spiritual journey last year. It's not too articulate, but it's exactly how I was feeling at the time, so here goes...
There are no words to describe the beauty that is so terrible it devastates your heart, soul, mind and body. I cry out for relief from this overwhelmingly hysterical mercy. Each tear is seething with pain, joy, and rage. It hurts to breathe; it hurts not to. It hurts to see the light and feel its warmth overpowering all that I hold so close to myself. My skin convulses under the loving caress of irrational grace and I fall to the ground screaming...screaming for more, yet screaming for release. I crawl away and it chases me. I lay still and it seeps inside. This seizure of my soul is the most terrible moment of my life, shoving me face-to-face with my ruptured, infected scabs of weakness and trusted satanic deceit. It is the most beautiful moment of my life, this revelation that past the pain of living is a Love too pure to behold...a Love too perfect to comprehend...a Love poured into my filthy being, pressed down, shaken together and running over. This Love will make me clean and rip away the security blanket of comfortably condemning lies that I cover myself with again and again. My body will be bare but for a moment; soon I will be covered with a robe of righteousness and strength that Love is desperate to give me.
I am Love's passion. He won't let me get away that easily.

The Wonder of Rosie

That's not her actual name, but I do believe I'm not technically allowed to share her name outside of work...at least that's what they taught us at school. But anyways, the wonder of Rosie is maybe a boring anecdote but one that speaks volumes to me (maybe you had to be there). But last night at work, I woke Rosie up at 4 am to use the washroom. She had just gotten back from the hospital that day for a small heart attack and pneumonia, and was obviously needing her rest. But she was also needing a Depends change so she wouldn't have to sleep in her own wetness all night, so I felt like a jerk but went into her room, turned on her lamp, and softly called her name till she woke up.
And what's the first thing she does? After the inconvenience of an interrupted REM cycle and the arthritic soreness that intensifies after lying still for several hours, she reaches up with a shaky hand and softly strokes the side of my face. "You're a lovely girl," she says with a smile.
Then while we're in the washroom taking care of business, she starts singing "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz". I take her back to bed and she says "God bless you dearie" before falling back asleep.
I can't explain it, but I'm overwhelmed that a person in her condition can be so joyful and unselfish. I know she loves the Lord with all her heart, and I'm willing to bet that has everything to do with it.

Gime

That's "gym", spelled phonetically according to one episode of the Simpsons. And it's also something that has become a major part of my life. Years ago, I would never have imagined myself being committed to a workout routine, buying gym clothes, making sweat circles in my armpits, and being so tired I'm also too shaky to type. Physical fitness was about as important to me as learning to speak Russian, and even though it was endorsed in my family, it was never so important as to be impressed upon my mind that I should actively seek it throughout my life (for which I am grateful, because as a teenager I probably would have hated myself all the more for not being up to another "standard"). But ever since last year, when my room mate encouraged me to try it with her, I've found an outlet for both my frustration and happiness, an inpouring of encouragement and stress-relief, an increase in my general energy and desire to care for my health, and an increase in self-esteem. There is definitely a link between exercise and serotonin, and it's made a huge difference in how I see myself. And it also builds character, which I can see in my newfound attitude to persevere when I think I can't make those last two biceps curls. I highly recommend having a regular workout routine, whether it's at a gime or by just taking regular walks and doing some kind of strength training, because this is my honest belief: If I can do it (I dropped gym class in Grades 11 and 12), anyone in the world can do it!

Test

Test to see if the time fix worked

Wishing I Were Yawning

Not to whine...okay, actually, yes to whine because if I blow off steam here maybe it'll spare those in close proximity to me...but it's really hard to sleep during the night when you're used to cooking, mopping, and helping elderly ladies at this time. It's 1:20, and I have an itching to bake buns and clean bathrooms. Seriously, I'm not tired at all. But I have to go to bed so I can wake up and go to church tomorrow (which I'm totally excited for nonetheless), so my poor internal clock has to readjust again. And then I start work tomorrow night, so it'll have to readjust yet again!! But it's not that bad. Life is still good. And what a good time in my life to experience night shift work...I have no kids, no daytime commitments, and not even a boyfriend to commit any attention to. I just hope I can get another job by summer. With three weddings, a sister's grad, another sister's confirmation, a brother's convocation, and a family reunion, it would be nice to have a job that leaves weekends free...or at least allows me to have a normal sleeping pattern so I don't have to plan around my zzz's!
Well that's about it. Think I'll read the Darwin Awards for awhile and remember how fortunate I really am.

Money

It's rather unnerving to look up one's account online, only to discover there are approximately eight dollars available and one outstanding cheque of thirty dollars. But that's why parents are such wonderful things. In many ways I still feel like a baby bird relying on my mom and dad's puked-up resources, because I'm completely helpless on my own and all I ever do is sit around with my mouth wide open, begging to be sustained. Maybe when I become rich I'll buy them a nice retirement cabin at Christopher Lake. Or a '55 Chevy and a baby grand piano.

Copying Amy's Countdown

10 artists you’ve been listening a lot to lately:
10. Jars of Clay
9. Starfield
8. Whatever's playing at the gym, so: Hoobastank
7. Sheryl Crowe
6. Kelly Clarkson
5. Ashlee Simpson
4. Other bands
3. That have big hits
2. But I don't know
1. Their names

9 things you look forward to:
9. Spring
8. Getting a daytime PTA job
7. My family coming up this weekend
6. Dena's wedding
5. Johanna's wedding
4. Being an aunt
3. Meeting my future husband
2. Being married to my future husband
1. Having kids

8 things you like to wear:
8. Jeans
7. Turtlenecks
6. My black vest
5. T-shirts
4. Bunnyhugs
3. Slippers
2. My watch
1. Makeup

7 things that anger you:
7. The fact that I have so little patience for myself
6. When people think they're better than others
5. Getting lost (happens quite frequently)
4. Sticky floors
3. Recurring hangnails
2. Other drivers
1. The fact that I cannot shave without accidentally nicking myself at least ten times

6 things you say most days:
6. Frickin' retard
5. Well, whatever!
4. Lord Jesus, help me
3. Whoa! (Said often because I trip often)
2. Oh, I know!
1. The word stellar appears in many sentences

5 things you do everyday:
5. Devotions (Out of necessity for survival, not just because it's the "Christian thing to do")
4. Come up with a comeback ten minutes after it was needed
3. Go to the washroom
2. Hate my hair
1. Eat food

4 people you want to spend more time with:
4. My brother
3. My sister-in-law (Naya and Court, it's only because I don't see them as often as I see you)
2. Any older woman who could be my mentor
1. Sarah

3 movies you could watch over and over again:
3. Beauty and the Beast
2. Princess Bride
1. Dumb and Dumber

2 of your favourite songs at the moment:
2. Love of a Jealous Kind by Jars of Clay
1. Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel

1 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
1. Whoever it is, I'm not sure if I've met him yet but I don't think I have

What Not to Do

When working alone on a night shift at a personal care home, it's a terrible idea to spend your break reading the movie reviews in the newspaper. That's when you come across reviews for creepy movies you've seen previewed on TV, like Boogeyman and Hide & Seek. Then the music and all the creepy scenes come back to you, and suddenly the silence is eerie. Suddenly the resident groaning in her sleep is actually seeing dead people who are walking all over the house, plotting your untimely demise. Suddenly the hairs on the back of your neck stand up while you're doing dishes with your back vulnerably facing the rest of the suddenly ominous house. And if there were to be a crash or any sudden noise, you'd probably die of a heart attack.

So happy!

In about thirty-two minutes by my watch, it'll be my wonderful friend Amy's birthday! I'm very excited to be with her when she turns 21 (so oooooold)!! I haven't been with her on her birthday for two years now, which is a lot considering we had spent the previous nineteen-ish in each other's company, going to Pony Land through the lazy susan and making our scapulae dance in the sunlight streaming through her big bay window. Hey, this year do we get to open our time capsules? I'm assuming mine, written at age sixteen (I think) states that I should have a serious boyfriend by now and a writing career underway, with some kind of social work diploma on the horizon. Hah! The things we dream...
Anyways, now there are twenty-six minutes left. Happy early birthday, Amy! You are stellar, unique, and key (I ripped the last two words off of Challis). Love you lots!!

The more I think I've learned about anything, the more I realize I know absolutely nothing. At least that way life never gets stale; there's nowhere to go but up!

When it all goes south...

This blog is inspired by a random thought that's been popping into my head a lot since I've started working at a care home for elderly women...and that is, fear of growing old doesn't have to exist!! I guess it totally depends on your fear. I mean, I'm not exactly looking forward to the aches and pains, or the emotional strain it could put my family through if I get Alzheimer's or something. But I know I used to fear the loss of dignity and independence. It's not a pleasant thought that someday we might not be able to (uncomfortable clearing of the throat) wipe for ourselves or cook or even walk without a walker and an escort. But the ladies I do this for at the care home are some of the most loved, appreciated individuals I know. Because of how closely we have to work with them, we get to know who they are very quickly and while we are helping them in ways they can't help themselves, they're teaching us about patience, understanding, love, and humble submission. It's like tapping into a power source of wisdom that you could never find anywhere else. It's also a great picture of how we need to humbly submit to God's will, since we can never help ourselves in ways He can.
Loss of dignity is an unnecessary fear. Anyways, what is dignity? It's not being able to take care of our own personal hygiene and wellbeing, it's the ability to accept our present situation, however dependent or independent we are, and to do away with stubborn pride that would keep us from being content.
These ladies have a lot of love to give. By not being focused on their "pitiful" situation, they are able to powerfully impact people like me who have a lot to learn.